Noma – fair is foul and foul is fair….

Hmmmm we had been looking forward to this magical night when we were to dine at the best restaurant in the world for a long time, and how could you not?

After fighting for a table in a way only matched by tickets to see the hottest of stars in the music world we finally got a table for the day before my birthday …. Trust me I’d rather try to get tickets for Justin Bieber!

The stage was set for a fine evening as we drank a glass of cava before leaving home.

I had asked several people who had been there before and got every kind of opinion, from “a circus where the guest is the clown, as the chefs delight themselves and their colleges with smoke and amazing effects more to their own delight when to that of the guest” to “the most sublime experience of my life – cant wait to go back” ... both statements from people who are used to go out to nice places and who’s opinions I trust… 

The most precise description turned out to be by my chiropractor of all people: “Do not look upon this as going out to a dinner, you might very well be hungry afterwards, look at it more as going to a spectacular show”. - I will say this much, we were not hungry afterwards, no way near, but on the other hand, we did not come all starved either.

We had come by some money that we did not expect and so we decided to go with an open mind and spend the 5000 kr. that an evening @ Noma runs you, including wine and herb tee.

When we got there -10 minutes before the set time (7 pm) we walked in and were immediately greeted by the host who while escorted us to our table. Here we where served by a host of friendly waiters who guided us through the evening in the most amazingly professional, though friendly way.  There is indeed one staff pr. guest our main waiter told us. This is an importing point as everything is done by hand, in house and to perfection, demanding and army of devoted people working for hours to create the spectacle we were to witness.

First we got a long line of appetizers / finger foods all of them beautiful works of art and none of them were what they appeared to be …. From the classics which we had hear about before – the vase of flowers where two of the twigs making up the bouquet were eatable…. and the pot of carrots planted in eatable “dirt” to pickled ants crushed and used in a sort of sauce… I always though that if I was to taste ant or grasshopper it would be in Thailand, not in Copenhagen and several times during the dinner were we reminded of the 3 witches from Macbeth:

…THIRD WITCH:

Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,

Witch's mummy, a gulf-like stomach,

Of the rough sea salt glisten,

Root of poison hemlock dug up in the dark,

Liver of Christians not baptized,

Gall bladder of goat, and slips of pine trees

Cut off the tree when the moon eclipsed,

Nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips,

Finger of a baby born dead

Delivered in a ditch by a prostitute,

Make the gruel thick and gooey.

Also add a tiger's guts,

For the ingredients of our caldron.

ALL:

Double, double, toil and trouble;

Fire, burn; and caldron, bubble…

All things wired and wonderful seamed to have found its way into the kitchen. This is not to say that we did not enjoy the spectacle put on for us, but more that it was much more of a feast for the eyes when for the taste buds.

As I have mentioned in earlier posts, the chef from Beringer vineyards once said during a class on wine and food pairing:

If you do not like a wine, someone actually wanted it to taste that way (assuming nothing is actually wrong with the wine), you may not like it but it reflects a conscious choice from their side.

Same thing with Noma, you can not blame someone for setting out to do something and doing it sublimely, it is absolutely fair to believe that they are indeed the worlds best at what they do, it is just not my thing.

After the appetizers a long line of mains and desserts followed in a perfect pace.
Everything was as well choreographed as a ballet, but still in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere.

Just as my friend jokingly had commented to me "Is this one of those places where you should have ordered potatoes on the side?"- they arrived.

But thanks, in no small part to my chiropractor, I knew what to expect and so I had a great evening. At the end of the evening we were given a real treat, one of the newest chefs showed us around the kitchen and introduced us to the staff, while explaining about the whole process. Considering the stories about Rene’s (the head chefs) bad temper and his hysteric fits of rage, that has been all over the press, the young man seamed almost to set on telling us what an amazing atmosphere the place had and how they were all one big happy family. One the other hand I must say the kitchen was filled with smiles and upbeat music.

My conclusion is this – if you have the money and you wanna see what the best of the best LOOKS like, by all means go, but if you are looking for value for money and a great meal, I’d go somewhere else. This was hammered home, by the fact that we had a meal today at a small Moroccan place, which cost us 59 kr. and had us smile in a way Noma was no way near….. to quote my friend “how clever of you to braise a neck of veal to perfection, shred it to atoms and put it back together again in a way that made it look like a fur ball and taste of nothing whatsoever,…. But why do it?” call me ignorant and uncultured, so be it! Foodieboy knows what he likes, and Noma just ain’t it!  

What makes you a social misfit?

Jeg kender mange der ikke drikker alkohol og som føler at de konstant må forsvarer deres «underlige» opførsel. Samme gælder for vegetarer. I en lang periode var jeg selv både alkohol og kød fri – et ganske drastisk stilskift for en tidligere vin importør og kødfanatiker. …. Og efter en periode begyndte jeg faktisk på begge dele igen …. Ikke fordi jeg havde noget savn eller noget specielt behov for det ene eller det andet, men fordi det sociale pres blev for meget. Det var simpelthen for meget bøvl konstant at skulle forklare sig og at opleve sig som den der vanskelige en der ikke rigtigt kunne passe ind i selskabet.

Til min 40 års fødselsdag, var det min plan at holde middagen rent vegetarisk, alternativt med fisk. Men modstanden var så stærk at jeg bukkede under. Jeg blev beskyldt for at være egoistisk og for ikke at sætte mine gæsters velvære i højsædet. Min plan var ellers ganske simpel. Jeg ville, med inspiration i det italienske køkkens antipasti og i det arabiske køkken, vise at det var muligt at lave en vegetar buffet der ikke alene matchede, men overgik dem med kød. Jeg ønskede at vise at selv inkarnerede kødspisere kunne ledes der hen hvor de glemte at der ikke var køb på bordet og indså at vegetarmad ikke er lig med en grøn salat. Men nej! Det var for stor en udfordring og de jeg jo ikke ønskede at min fødselsdag skulle være en politisk statement, ja så blev det til et kompromis -vegetar med kød tilbehør – ikke omvendt!

I en lang periode (min studie tid) havde jeg mange muslimske venner og i det selskab var det altid let ikke at drikke. Her var det normen, og her kunne man sagtens feste uden at  drikke og have det mindst lige så sjovt. Det samme gælder i yoga sammenhæng. Her er både alkohol og kød noget der «gives points» for at droppe. Det ses nærmest op til som et højere trin på den udviklingsmæssige rangstige.

I min studie tid ( 2. Runde for ikke mere end 1,5 år siden) var jeg i Bangladesh for at lave noget forskning. Vi var et team af danskere der skulle af sted og i den forbindelse var der en gruppe der i ramme alvor planlagde hvem der skulle købe hvad toldfrit (da man kun måtte have en flaske sprut pr. mand og ikke kan købe det i dette muslimske & hindu land) således at man ved fælles hjælp kunne klare sig gennem måneden ….. hvad sker der for dem? Man skulle tro der var tale om luft eller vand eller en anden af livets fornødenheder … selv valgte jeg at være en del af den kultur jeg besøgte … ”when in Rome, do as the Romans do….” og det var faktisk start skuddet på lidt over et halvt år uden alkohol og kød for mig….

 Så hvad er det der gør at det er så vanskeligt? Jeg har længe brygget på det her indslag og som så ofte før ligger ting og bobler i mig til en oplevelse eller en udefrakommende inspiration får mig til at skrive. Denne gange var det et indslag på den norske Facebook-debattør Elisbeth Nordheims side. I sin statusopdatering raser hun over altid at skulle forklare/forsvare at hun ikke drikker. Hun skriver at hun ikke vil gøres til et social «misfit» på grund af det og i øvrigt truer hun med at smide alle der kommer med alkohol gaver til hendes fødselsdag med at blive sparket i elven. Går ud fra hun her mener Akerselva i Oslo ...

Redaktøren for det norske mandeblad MANN, (en pendant til vores Euroman), Knut Christian Moeng, fortæller i sin leder i næste måned at han efter det de på norsk kalder en hvidmåned (ret faktisk 3 måneder) – altså en måned uden sprut – har erkendt hvor vanskeligt det faktisk er både i arbejds- og i sociale sammenhænge ikke at drikke. Et er sikkert, fortæller han, hvis man til en modeopvisning siger man ikke drikker så er udvalget yderst begrænset. Selv fik jeg syn for sagen, da jeg var med ham i byen til Oslo mode uge, hvor valgt stod mellem cola, mineralvand og de svenske vitamin drikke – Vitamin Well. For ikke ret længe siden bad jeg en bartender om at tilsætte mere tonic til min G&T, men inden jeg havde talt ud, havde hun svaret afvisende, idet hun automatisk forventede at jeg ville havde den stærkere, ikke svagere!

Hvad er det der gør at et så internationalt miljø som modebranchen ikke fremme i skoen med en juicebar det viser folk hvordan det skal gøres? Personligt ville jeg mene at Joe & the Juice ville løfte et modeshow ganske gevaldigt.

Men der er faktisk lyspunkter. På den højt anerkendte danske restaurant Noma kan man faktisk vælge en juice menu, hvor juicen er lige så afstemt til maden og lige så udsøgt, som vinen er det! Det kræver dog at man melder det på forhånd så de kan sørge for at tilberede juicen til dagen, da det fortsat ikke er hverdag der er folk der vælger det!

Ude i resten af verden er det ofte nemmere. I Indien er der på enhver restaurant flere sider på menuen med non-alkoholiske drinks – de så kaldte mocktails og juices. Ifølge en af kommentarerne på Elisabeth Nordheims facebook er det helt almindeligt med mocktails på barerne i Berlin, så hvorfor er det at vi finder det så bizart når nogen beder om noget uden alkohol ….

Jeg vil slutte denne lille undren med det samme Elisabeth Nordheim citat som Knut bruger i sin leder i MANN…..

«Hvis du inviterer meg til fest, hvorfor kjøper du masse alkohol til alle gjestene mens jeg må drikke vann fra krana, eller rester av appelsinjuicen din? Hvis firmaet ditt inviterer til en premiere, hvorfor er det bare velkomstdrinker med alkohol? Hvis det er fredagslotteri på jobben, hvorfor er eneste premie vin? Hvis jeg sier jeg ikke drikker, hvorfor er jeg automatisk festbrems og din hukommelse dagen etterpå?»

Skål .....